50 ways to find love.
Dawn Porter couldn’t find a boyfriend. And then she began to explore extreme ways to get to know each other.
“In matters of love, I think we all get a little desperate in our own way. But if you’re going to spend the rest of your life alone, why not take the risk?”
Dawn Porter, a TV presenter and writer, doesn’t exactly condone the “catalog bride ordering” industry she recently explored in Ukraine for a new Channel 4 series, but she hasn’t become an inveterate opponent either. In the course of filming the series, Porter, to her own surprise, discovered that there are advantages to polygamy among the Mormons of Utah, and free love in an ecological settlement in the former headquarters of the Stasi in Germany (where for the sake of field research, she bravely engaged in group wrestling naked), and also delved into the intricate rituals of the life of geisha. All this was done to explore alternative ways to find love.
Porter, 29, has gained some notoriety for her open-minded thinking, as well as her penchant for exploring her own problems in documentaries. Among her previous works on British television-the series” Dawn undresses naked ” (where she tried to do body art, was upset because her body looks, as it seemed to her, not perfect, and therefore gathered naked women of various physiques and rode with them around London in a double-decker bus with an open top platform); “Dawn becomes a lesbian” (in the face of a shortage of promising men, Dawn decided to plunge into the environment of lesbians and thereby expand the range of choice; idea was not crowned with success); and “Dawn finds her intended” (where, despite a nationwide competition for her boyfriend’s status, which included a non-standard test for the ability to dance, Dawn, as you guessed it, failed).
Her new series also dedicated to learning about yourself and the lives of single women. Porter tries – sometimes from personal experience-to understand the appeal of some unconventional methods of finding love. “I’m 29 years old, and I’ve been living on my own for four years,” she explains. – I haven’t met a man I’d like to be in a monogamous relationship with yet. And what if in 10 years nothing will change in my life? What can alternative lifestyles teach me? And so the idea of my series was born.”
So, Porter decided to discover a number of extreme methods by which women find and keep love; curiously, they all involve complete submission on their part. For example, some women are so eager to get out of Ukraine that they are ready to marry a man they barely know from the West. In this series, Porter focuses on A Foreign Affair, an Odessa-based dating agency that specializes in” romantic vacations”: organizing trips for men from the West who are looking for brides abroad.
The culmination of the trip, for which they charge 5 thousand dollars, is a “social evening” – a party on a grand scale, where potential brides and grooms get together, food and drink for free. Unfortunately for men, women generally come trick-or-treating. “One woman came in, emptied a whole tray of sausage rolls into her purse, and left. People were handing out flyers to women on the street and saying: “Come to the party tonight – drinks are free!”.
Many of the hypothetically loving women from the agency, with whom the men communicated by email before the trip, were even too lazy to come. “Since we joined the EU [so in the original], women no longer seek to escape from Ukraine so desperately,” the guide admits. But the new opportunities are endless: A Foreign Affair recently opened offices in the Philippines and Thailand. “Yes,” says Porter – ” there an economic dimension to this phenomenon.”
With a tour group of suitors came, for example, Frank-a divorced policeman who raises two sons alone. He a devout Christian. “I came here to meet a kind woman, a real lady –” he says movingly,”not for sex.” He tries to woo the girls at the party by giving them marmalade and quoting the Bible. For the first half of the evening, he suffered from the fact that none of the 30 women with whom he corresponded by email came. “Maybe we couldn’t find this house,” he says hopefully. Then he got into conversation with Irina, a stunningly beautiful 26-year-old woman who works as an interior designer and says that she seriously intends to find a man and move to America. Meanwhile, the truck driver, Jerry, looking for a middle-aged woman- “aged like cognac” – and asks if there are condoms in the nightstands in hotel rooms.
Mark, a thrice-divorced businessman, was not doing so well: he spent the entire evening trying to talk the aforementioned Irina, but she ran away to Frank. Without wasting a moment, Mark began to grab at the Porter. “His tongue was fine,” she said later. – He knew how to interest a woman, how to flirt, how to attract her. But soon the flaws showed: he was incredibly predatory, just scary.”
At least Porter wasn’t attracted to Kevin, 43, who lives with his mother in a small town in rural America. She’s not exactly the right age for him: Kevin looking for a woman between the ages of 18 and 25, as he says he’s a “big kid” and loves ” Hannah Montana and the Disney Channel.” “It was, in short, a plump little man with bad teeth, halitosis and a slightly crazy – in the sense of perversions – look,” said Porter. – And how he smelled!” Fu-u-u!”.
Women, on the other hand, are young, beautiful, and charming. Do they really have to be looking for husbands in this way? After all, the Ukrainian economy on the rise.
According to Porter, the problem is not so much in the economy as in the shortage and “small-caliber” men. According to the last census of Ukraine (2001), there were 7% more women than men. In addition, there an unusually high mortality rate among working-age men. The reason alcohol poisoning. “It was pretty obvious,” Porter says. “The streets are full of very beautiful girls, but you can’t say that about men.”
As a result, these women have something that I and my friends do not have – a wide arsenal of tactics. I went to a sex class for potential brides of men from the West, and it turned out that in bed these women have to do the incredible – they are just ready for anything. We advised something like the following: “Do whatever he wants in bed, because the main thing not you, the main thing is that he becomes yours. And it’s still yours.” Porter learned what a “vagina smile” (an extremely seductive look), also found out what the sexual trick is, which, if a woman uses it, guarantees that a man will never go left again.
As discovered by the porter, the art of the geisha coming from the same background – less sex. “I was a geisha for 10 weeks. In fact, I took an intensive course of study-usually the study lasts five years. I wore my hair and makeup properly, as well as a kimono. Serving at tea parties, sleeping on the floor with two other students – that was the most pleasant thing. Then everyone asked me, do geisha engage in prostitution? In my experience, there nothing like that. Sex not their task; they are like ambassadors of their culture and art; an intimate relationship with a client would be the worst offense for them. And the most time-consuming: it takes five hours to put on a kimono. Prostitution doesn’t pay off – unless of course, you get paid for hour!
Porter was in touch – literally-with free love, too. “They had strange rituals: everyone stripped naked, buttered themselves and climbed into a huge plastic boxing ring in one person’s basement. It’s not an intimate ritual, but it’s meant to bring people closer together. There are rules: no penetration, no erections.” Still, Porter found the ritual stimulating.: “I was just thinking: “Who’s groping my ass? Who’s touching my breasts? What am I doing, naked, in the house of some unknown German? At the same time, there was something strangely liberating about it.”
Porter was also surprised that polygamy, contrary to her previous beliefs, does not involve hard brainwashing. “I have no doubt that many women would like to share the burden of monogamy with someone – the need to satisfy a man, take care of children – and move in with their best friend. I lived in a family where everyone is very gentle with each other; the children get twice as much love, go to a good school, live in a beautiful house, and no one frowns. I thought, ” Why are we criticizing this approach?”
Porter ready to apply the tried and tested extreme lifestyle and love styles in her personal life? “I’m still single, but as I’ve discovered, you can’t control your heart, and I guess you should just find the good side in your personal situation,” she says. – I can become a geisha or a “catalog bride”; what if I fall in love with a man 20 years older or 20 years younger? What if I fall in love with a woman? Or two men? I’ll probably marry one man and have children, but that hasn’t happened yet – who knows? So far, I do not dismiss any options for myself.”